My Progress With Portfolio Work

Slowly but surely I'm withdrawing from prose, which may be a bad thing and a good thing. 

This may be a bad thing because I'm struggling to continue my prose work. I could use insubstantial artistic justification and cite a lack of inspiration but I feel it has more to a lack of interest (more on this below). This certainly could be another setback stemming from a lack of conception as to how to develop specific characters, but my character work hasn't been hopeless. I think I may have found my greatest enemy: plotting. 

Currently I've been working my 'country noir' story, and I think I have better characters than perhaps I'm willing to give myself credit for. Yet, the plot seems to be a bit thin. Maybe this is just a process but I'm becoming exasperated with a lack of infrastructure, so to speak, with my plot. Last week I had about 6 pages (out of ideally ten or more) of work, but I stopped because I find the robbery that lies within the crux of the plot doesn't make a bit of sense. Consequently I feel I need to take some time to figure out what my characters' struggles might be and then have my characters progress the plot--perhaps. 

To digress, I've actually started back at writing some poetry. After last week's frustration with my story I wrote a comic poem about my disappointing walk to the Harry Ransom Center while in Austin. I feel there can be some judicious editing needed but I laid down some interesting poetry. I also looked at some of my old work and I feel a great deal of it has potential. For awhile, poetry was my focus and specifically image-heavy poetry influenced by Eastern and especially Japanese poetry. I've ventured into experience-heavy poetry, a la Ginsberg and Whitman but I feel that it is easy, especially for me, to veer into self indulgence. I think some of these poems have potential, but I think I need to get back to image-heavy poetry, which has been my strongest material, as well as lay some commentary or discourse in these poems, much like Rumi would do or Neruda (both of which I like more than Basho or Ginsberg). 

It has also led me to think about what I enjoy about writing. I enjoy reading, but lately I've been reading less of classics like a good writer should be and watching 'The Wire.' I've also been reading some poetry, especially that of Thomas Hardy (and I plan to read 'Far From the Madding Crowd' soon). This has led me to reconsider what genres I enjoy the most in writing. When I was in my latter years of college I found enjoyment in writing, but writing scripts and poetry. My prose struggles have been numerous and I have worked on it, and I've got some good drafts. Yet, I'm starting to think that my prose struggles are not just my incompetence in writing prose but a lack of interest. Poetry gives me a great deal of joy, as does script writing. Part of me is thinking that I should refocus my portfolio on poetry and scripts, because I enjoy them the most and that maybe my prose isn't coming too well because I'm not interested or subconsciously I find it boring. I read a great deal of short stories, but my novel reading is subpar; typically I find reading 300 pages or more to be exhausting because I feel like it's unnecessary. If Faulkner could create an ensemble of hopelessly interesting characters in less than 250 pages in 'As I Lay Dying' then anyone can. That being said, I think I should continue trying for my prose. I'm thinking that writing from first person might be a good change of pace, as it best resembles dialogue and script writing (as far as prose concerns). I do think that my point of view work on a character in my 'country noir' story was exceedingly better, so I may start at that. 

Preparing for the MFA with Writer's Block

I've realized that if I do not get a teaching position within in the next year it will be necessary to go back to grad school.

My interest in writing and education has led me to believe that besides the dreaded MAT program (as I've discussed before) I should look into MFA in Creative Writing Programs. I've decided to apply to two MAT programs at least and at least two MFA programs. Since I've decided to apply to MFA programs this summer will be dedicated to building up my portfolio. 

Most MFA programs require a portfolio with 20-40 pages. Therefore my goal for the summer is write and work on at least 40 pages of prose (if not more). I intend to build up my portfolio by working on a 20 page short story, a 10 page story, and about 3 or 4 stories under 10 pages.

Thankfully I feel like I have a fair share of old material I can work on through revision. I have a 20 page story already laid out, but it needs heavy revision in specific moments. I have an idea for the ten page story, but it hasn't been written yet, so I'll probably start on it soon. The quick fiction pieces, as I'll call them, haven't been all worked out. I had been working, slowly, on an episodic story about a girl named Dorothy developing into an independent person; one part talked about her stunted attempts to date boys, one talked about her moment laughing at Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA" when it was played during 9/11. I had planned to write about her conflict with her religious grandmother, but as I think about this I feel it might be better to separate these ideas and make them unique, individual stories. I feel like if I can create memorable characters from these individual stories it might serve my quick fiction interest. I do have another story about a kid digging for gold in his backyard, that's more than just about a kid digging for gold in his backyard, but I'm not sure to work on it or not. 

Besides showing my capacity for character development, I want to show these MFA programs my uniqueness not only in storytelling but also subject matter. I've come to realize that I have some consistencies in my subjects and themes. I'm very interested in the cognitive development of young persons, especially in how this development interacts with their growing awareness of the world and how their own, specific worlds shape their awareness. My 20 page story is about kids who take their chum hostage, but it's also about how they're driven to excess through the negligence of adults. I'm also interested in the mechanisms in living in a small town area, especially a small Appalachian area, during the 1990s and 2000s. So much changed during this time in Southern Appalachia as jobs grew fewer and the economic divide grew greater and meth completely devoured homes where I grew up around. There's definitely a Daniel Woodrell influence, but I'm not exclusively interested in 'country noir' though that's what I'm planning with the 10 page story. 

Why do I write about all this? This blog was initially suggested to show my inner workings concerning my writing and my output, but ultimately became a soap box for things I care about. It will remain a soap box, but I feel like it may serve me well to use this blog as a mechanism for self awareness over the Summer as I work on this portfolio. Self awareness is important in growing as an artist and keeping one on track, which is what I really need. 

As the title suggests, I've been overcome with a great deal of writer's block, rooted in my work. My creative writing output has stalled in these past two months because work has led me to be mentally exhausted and consequently my ideas have been stalled and exhausted. It's really hard to work at writing when you have 40 hour work weeks; not that this is impossible, but it's hard. Another purpose of this blog has been so that I can write something, anything while still working 40 hour weeks. So now that I am only working 17 hours a week, it's time to write!

A Belated Post on Austin

Austin, the live music capital of the world and supposed hub of alternative culture, is no Atlanta.

In fact my recent vacation to Austin by way of travelling on the Greyhound bus through the Gulf South has reaffirmed by faith and pride in the Atlantic South and Georgia.

Travelling, as I've mentioned before, provides opportunities for transcendent moments that help provide self awareness and perspective on life. Chicago put perspective on my life as a recent graduate, uncertain of what career I wanted for myself. The enjoyment of Millennium Park, Willis Tower, the North Side, and the food gave me a desire to bask in my youth and relish in life for a bit (rather than completely immerse myself in 14-16 hr days in film or theatre for barely enough). 

What did Austin put in perspective? For the past year I've been bashing Atlanta and to an extent Georgia; I've made my interest in moving away once certified to a great deal of people, among a general distaste for certain elements of Atlanta (namely the sprawl and city planning) and the political climate of Georgia (whose state legislature have performed meaningless and useless political actions while not properly discussing others). In short, I grew tired of the short term thinking of many Georgians and Atlanta at the expense of long term planning and wise investment (say, in education). All of this led me to think of moving out once I became certified in teaching or once I got into grad school. UT-Austin had been on top of my most desirable grad schools, with a fully funded MFA in Creative Writing and a great deal of cross genre work. Austin has been growing exponentially over the past few years, winning accolades for its nightlife and food and in particular its music. 

Atlanta is better, to me, at least. 

What Austin put in perspective was the value in my home state and gave me ammunition in pride in my state. 

Make no mistake, Austin isn't a bad city. 6th Street is a good street for nightlife. There's some great food here, ranging from taco trucks like 'Karma Taco' to Caribbean/Italian fusion places like Rasta Pasta at The Drag. It even has the backdrop of the Colorado River (Texas's Colorado River, not THE Colorado River that flows through the Grand Canyon) and Lady Bird Lake. It also has a badass state capitol. 

This, however, is all in Atlanta and in plentiful portion. 6th Street has a good music scene, but it primarily has John Mayer or Stevie Ray Vaughan wannabes, coffeehouse music, or club music. We have that in Atlanta, but in more original and uniquely raw forms and more of it (a la Opera, Club Mami, etc). We have great restaurants, especially in East Atlanta and Midtown like The Vortex, Ann's Snack Bar, Bluefin, and Mary Mac's. We have the Chattahoochee River and Piedmont Park and our capitol, while smaller, has a golden dome.

Austin is just as sprawled out as Atlanta. I tried to navigate through most neighborhoods and got blisters all over my feet because there is no transit in Austin. They have a bus system, but it is narrow and doesn't cover  a great deal; it-and this is sad-makes MARTA look like the Subway or CTA. I could get around to most places in Atlanta through MARTA; I can get to Little 5 Points through the Inman Park station, or Decatur through their station, or Midtown through Arts Center Station or Cheshire Bridge through Lenox Station. That does not include the bus routes MARTA has. One couldn't do that in Austin. Nor was the bus too reliable; I'd end up waiting 40 minutes to an hour waiting on the right bus at a station, even though it was supposed to be no less than 20 minutes at a given stop. East Austin has no bus coverage, for the most part, which made my seemingly feasible trip to the Rude Mechanicals for their new show (which sucked by the way) far more time consuming and treacherous. 

There's a lot of cool stuff in Austin, but for me I was unimpressed because Atlanta spoiled me, with actual travel destinations for tourists a la Georgia Aquarium, or cultural places like the High or the Alliance, as well as nightlife. I had some wonderful moments in Austin, especially when I was with people I met at the hostel, but I couldn't help but feel I was missing out on a better vacation. Especially given the expenses I could've gone to the Grand Canyon, or even somewhere local like Western North Carolina or Charleston or Savannah. Instead, I spent more on Austin than Chicago and trust me, Austin is no Chicago. 

It lead me to not understand why Atlanta didn't get the kind of coverage that Austin received in travel articles. Atlanta is better than Austin, no offense. 

Does this mean you shouldn't visit Austin? Not necessarily. For any interested traveler I'd suggest visiting Austin as a stop on a road trip, on the way through the Southwest, as well as visiting San Antonio. 

Would I suggest Greyhound? Actually, Grehound wasn't so bad. If you look up Greyhound on the internet you'll see a great deal of horrible reviews, discussing lost cargo to missing buses to lack of reservations in seating. Greyhound wasn't quite like this; I had no troubles or pains in cargo and I always had a seat. I think Greyhound is much like driving, with specific benefits and detriments. The benefits are the rural areas you see for better (like the farm land of Central Texas) and worse (the Gulf South, Mississippi's roads). I think if you do not have a form of transportation or a reliable form of transportation (like me) then Greyhound is definitely an option. Between the bus and flying, I'll take flying though. 

Even though I'm disappointed that I didn't get quite my money's worth in travelling, and that Austin didn't live up to much of its hype (to me), I'm glad I can take a perspective back that where I'm at and living isn't too bad. I'm acquainted with people who do not like Georgia and who came here and haven't acclimated to our ways, but now I feel like I have fair enough room to counter their beliefs with a great deal of pride and appreciation to what I've got. 

Really, it also showed me that I need to start thinking wisely and not differently about travelling. I chose Austin because it seemed different, over my instinctual interests in smaller areas (like Charleston or Savannah) and my love of nature (like Western North Carolina, like the Grand Canyon, etc). I should trust my instincts and wisdom over intellectual choosing something that's difficult or different.

Also, this trip showed me the importance of not just being by oneself. I had no issues in terms of discomfort. I just realized that having company would've made my trip better. Choose company and think wisely while travelling, and trust your instincts. 

Between Atlanta and Austin, go to Atlanta.

UPDATE: 7/28/2013

I miss Austin. Go to Austin as well.