It's hard for me to not have starry eyes for 2017.
I'm not impervious to conceiving my life as a narrative and as a writer it becomes easy to do so. I often try to think of moments in my life as chapters. I often think of phases of my life as volumes of a novel or Acts in a play or script. I use this conceit in many of my posts, like "The Breakthrough" and when discussing moments in my South America journey which I ultimately constructed as a multiple post narrative.
When discussing my life to friends I often share the moments of clarity I've experienced. I talk about the moment I began this path, the 30 List path, when I was in the light booth reading Look Homeward, Angel and realized that I need to go to the places I dreamed about like Eugene Gant dreamed of. I talk about the moment I realized I'm a real filmmaker--watching my short film Awake in a movie theater during the Chattanooga Film Festival.
When I think of 2017 I think of what place it may hold in my narrative, whether it's a new chapter or the end of a volume. In particular this year holds significance because of an anniversary that happens this year: 10 years since I graduated high school.
We often construct narratives that end or begin when we graduate high school. It's the end of our childhood or it's the beginning of our adulthood. It's Superbad or Dazed and Confused or American Graffiti. So now I reflect back because I think of my hypothetical high school reunion and I think about what narrative I would share with my classmates.
I don't plan to go to the real life 10 year reunion. With Facebook I've been able to keep in touch with the people I care deeply about or cherish. The fact that it has been 10 years since graduation does give me pause, however. It's not a quaking, ever-present existential crisis. I don't feel the rush of age as I rush towards 30 like my friend K-- did in his car last year when I saw his face fall and become pale as he came to the realization that his reunion would be soon. I am typical, however, in finding myself contemplating the differences between 2007 and 2017 me. Most of us do this, to look back and ask if are we better off now. I can't help but think of 2007 as I look back on what seems to be a rush of ten years.
Am I better off now?
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Fuck yeah I'm better off now.
Sometimes it's easy to have a rosy view of the past. I certainly can see how someone might view a pre-Great Recession time as rosy. I don't. I don't want to ever be 2007 me or really any me that's not current. It's like using Window 95 after using Windows 7.
Let's use another metaphor. To represent my social daftness I often describe the experience of being non-native to a language. If I'm in Austria, I'm around people who can think and speak German. I can speak very little and I have to translate what someone said in my head into English then create an English response and translate that to German. This means of translating and understanding German is how I translate and understand social language.
I've reached a point in my social awareness to be able to think and talk in native social language at an intermediate level. I still have moments where I have to translate, create, and translate again but my fluency has increased due to useful coping mechanisms. If you know someone who speaks English well but who still has a foreign accent or dialect and rarely uses complicated words, that's me in terms of my social fluency.
In 2007, I wasn't as close as I thought to this fluency. In fact, I was a mess. There are still parts of 2007 in me in terms of social fluency and I was a dreamer then. I wasn't practical though. I wanted to make films, but even in Video Production I didn't make an effort to keep films I made for posterity. I wrote posts of jealousy at friends who had been accepted into UGA because they had better grades and moaned about how grades weren't reflective of real intelligence or aptitude. I bragged about passing AP US History with a 5 without taking a class. I wanted validation and I let cynicism win when I didn't in real life. People who were ahead of me knew better. I wanted to cope with the sharp divide between the me I dreamed of and the me that existed in real life: the 2007 me.
Now I've abandoned the cynicism that traps so many valuable people and I've figured out how to get things done. Thus moving forward in 2017 I move forward thinking about this past self. I think of what I still owe my 2007 self in personal development. What do I still owe the chubby guy who saw 42 films in theaters a year and went home to watch Passport to Europe? What do I still owe this 2007 version of Martin through my 30 List in 2017?
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2017 may be my most ambitious year with regard to my 30 List travel itinerary. Last year I crossed off 1 destination. This year I plan to cross off 3.
My initial plan was to go to 2 destinations. My initial plan was to cross East Asia and to cross off the Grand Canyon. I have a ticket to Hong Kong in April (with a layover in Istanbul). The idea was to spend a week in Hong Kong and the surrounding territories and later in October take a Thursday off during one of my 3-day weekends to go to the Grand Canyon finally.
Then I went against my rigid itinerary and thrifty nature and...splurged. I got a ticket to Paris.
In October I decided to replace my 30 List plan to go to the UK with France instead. Since making my 30 List I've realized that I never really wanted to go to the UK or Stonehenge (which is what is technically written on my list). I've always had a relationship with France since I was young, whether it was the baked goods from the couple in Toccoa that came from San Martinique, the movies I educated myself on via TCM or the library, the French classes in high school and college, pen pal relationship I developed via MySpace 11 years ago, or the multitude of awkward first dates at Cafe & Crepes in Gainesville.
Then, in November, a redditor on /r/atlanta let the cat out of the bag with his or her post on "Ridiculously Cheap Flights to Europe" between December and May. Curious, I searched different locations and there it was: roundtrip from Atlanta to Paris for $432! I have no dependents, I manage my money, I have enough stashed back, and I have a fair amount of annual leave from work. It took 1 hour make this discovery, contemplate, discuss with coworkers, manager, and make a final purchase. I impulse bought a ticket to France. To the 5th grader who read The Family Under the Bridge...you're welcome.
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My ambition with 2017 isn't just about travel, however.
I share about travels in regards to the 30 List, but my 30 List was never about traveling. It was always about personal development. Travel has been a substantial component as travel is intertwined with my sense of well-being and development of self. I have other components though.
There's the filmmaker component. I have on my list "Get your film shown at a major film festival." Right now I have a short film with ten drafts under my belt ready to be shot in February. We're currently in preproduction. I have the leads cast. I have a crew. We need other things but I feel this short film will be moving my filmmaker life forward.
But the component I'll dwell upon is more about taking it slow. I've talked about this before, how I allow myself to be overwhelmed and no moment to heal or detox.
In other words, I don't nap enough.
I love being busy. My trips are rarely laid-back vacations. They're adventures. I'm going to France for 4 days. I plan to buy a 2-day Paris Museum Pass and spend each morning at the art museums. In Hong Kong I plan on hiking different paths on the islands. This is how I vacation. I stay busy, I'm restless, and I'm perpetually caffeinated.
At work I'm a librarian. There's a view that people have shared of the easy librarian life: read and sit with books all day, check them out, etc. In reality I deal with a tad bit of the management side and I also work on programs. I develop lesson plans and a curriculum for patrons who book me for a one-on-one assistance on topics such as GED prep or learning how to write and type English. I run technology programs for seniors and teach arts & crafts. Then there's general library maintenance, submitting and compiling stats, and being the face to patrons who are disruptive or upset.
When I'm not working I'm still working. There's the filmmaker component. If I'm not working as a librarian I'm working as a filmmaker. At home during the week I'm working on a script, a shotlist, casting, etc.
So how do you take it slow if you want to be busy?
One way is to develop a routine. A nap for 1 hour, or 1 hour of laying in the bed and listening to a comedy album.
Then there's what I call "constructive relaxation." There's a zen to construction. There's something about construction and hobbies that are relaxing in how they peel time without one realizing it. That's my method of relaxing and taking it slow.
There are components of my 30 List to reckon as means to take it slow. Namely, I intend to work on my Spanish. For years I've been off and on with learning Spanish. The reliance of internet websites like Duolingo and such have hindered that. My initiative for 2017 involves the creation of a Spanish conversation club to develop and learn Spanish.
Another component that's not on the 30 List but that I want to do to take it slow: sketch. I have planned a program called Let's Sketch Together later this year and to really develop it I want to immerse myself more into sketching. This means sketching at least twice a week if not more. Sketching in its best, slowest form, requires truly looking at something. It requires a new way of seeing, for shades and details that a passive eye cannot necessarily witness. The focus that's required is different than an Instagram picture. It's an immersion that mandates slowing down.
I am a person of routine and before I'm 30 it's important to me to develop the habit of slowing down for the sake of balance. Being busy and sometimes being slow are necessary for my health.
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To wrap up my talk of 2017 goals, I should last speak of a major component of this year: the exploration of a place to settle.
In the 30 List I wrote "Find a place to settle" with the intention of being vague. Settle could mean a city, an area, etc. There was a time when I was on the go but after a productive year in my metro Atlanta library system, I know that I am moving up in my career. I know that I'm moving up in my filmmaking career. With talk of finding moments to slow down, I also need to move up in my personal life.
This means exploring the question of if and where to buy a house.
I am not trying to be above my means. I want a condo or a town home but I want to find one in a place where I want to live for awhile. I haven't spoken about this because I do not have the money to really put down on a down payment, even a 3.7% one with P.M.I. That being said, I'm in a good place to think about having a long-term asset like this.
There are lot of components that go into the decision of where, but ultimately I want to live somewhere that will make me happy. I want to have Atlanta nearby so I can the Atlanta I want, but I also miss my small town and I'd like to have a small town.
Thus for 2017 I'm going to explore and look into the places that fit this bill, likely in the Gwinnett-DeKalb County axis.
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I have grand ideas so each year I have grander ideas about how to move forward. I owe my 2007 self, an ambitious but not practical self, to keep moving forward and moving upward.
