"I don't have time for everything" is a phrase easier said than embodied.
I began the year aspiring to embody that statement. Embody means I live and breathe that statement. It means I act according the principle of that idea. It means when I have rumination I say to myself "how does this help me right now" as my therapist advises and move on. Embodying means I do not stress about the tone of someone's statement because stressing over the tone of someone's statement isn't something I have time for.
Despite my best wishes, however, I do make time for it.
As I write this update - a belated one - I struggle to see success in embodying the "I don't have time for everything" ethos. I also know my widow's peak receded more and blonde streaks (and white streaks) have emerged.
It's difficult to fully flip and embody this statement. I look at this year as experiments to reach that ideal. Action requires tactics. It requires trial and error.
Trial and error means continuing seeing a therapist - a positive thing.
Trial and error means asking myself "how does this help me right now?" as my therapist recommended.
Trial and error means writing gratitude statements almost everyday.
Trial and error means communicating early to others when I'm overwhelmed and preventing situations when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
Trial and error means writing for myself more frequently.
All these trials and errors helped move me into a better space. Yet, this positive development forward frequently recedes. My mental walls remain thin and all it takes is one villain (or villainous force) to knock it down. Then every worry I didn't have time for returns.
Then I start over.
But I do start over. It's worth it to continue this struggle. It's worth continuing struggles that will bring something better.
This year has given me a lot to enjoy and relish. I went to Scotland! I have fun times with friends! Game nights! I've shot personal film projects! I'm about to shoot a narrative project!
Also: I got engaged! I'm getting married!
All the exclamations!
To embody "I don't have time for this" means I need to enjoy the exclamation points of my life. Giving time to worries means turning those exclamation point moments into period or question mark moments. I do not want that. I want to focus on earning those exclamation points moments and living them up.
