In writing that list, I attempted to create a vision of an upcoming period of my life - a life where I felt solid and stable in my career. I tried to avoid a lot of specific goals and write vision statements.
That list reads differently in a post-pandemic world and to my post-pandemic self. My new therapist urged me to rewrite the list because I am not the same.
Last year felt like living in a house that kept burning down - a horrifying feeling. It felt exhausting to continually recover everything and return to a new normal. At a certain point I had to let go of things I no longer had the energy to keep. For instance, I let go of hockey after my 20 years of fandom because intuitively it no longer fits in the life I want now.
The paramount question from last year: what do I still want in my life after the pandemic? This question motivates me to revise my "50 List" into something simpler - a list of vision statements that cohere into a new vision of how I will define goodness and stability in my life.
A Revised 50 List
- Write and direct a film every year.
- Travel once every year
- Pay off student loan debt.
- Own a guitar that I can pass on to those I love.
