Life Update Spring

Hey, I'm back.

I've neglected this blog, so I'm back with a few life updates.

It's actually been rough lately. I didn't get accepted into any MFA programs. None. I received rejection letters from 7- count them - schools. I didn't accepted into any.

From I've read this isn't uncommon. Many individuals applied to as many as 14 or more and received denials. The acceptance rate of most MFA in Creative Writing schools are substantially low, like 1% or lower. I could blame the economy, but I'm always one to accept responsibility for my own actions. My portfolio needs continued improvement, and they must have not been wowed by it. I read most of the poems of the poetry professors and they're not like mine. I have a poem "A Sonnet Falls Apart" that I cut substantially that needs revision...or at least a new title. This sucks though because my eggs were planned for this back and if it didn't work I'd try again.

I'm not sure I want to try again.

My mind has been quite busy about the future and frankly it has reached a level of pessimism that I haven't had in awhile. Normally I make backup plans and I didn't this time, I took a big risk. I did apply, after all my denials, to Georgia Southern for the MA in Literature and got accepted, but now I'm at a point to where I don't know if that's what I want to do.

I want to be in writing, but I don't want to be an academic, or at least I don't think I do. I grew accustomed to being a do-er shockingly, which wasn't me in high school. Being a theatre major got me used to that; I can do critical analysis and research essays, but if I want to do research...I want to do experiments, not just critical analysis of text. If that's what I wanted to do I'd go to law school and if I wanted to do experiments I would've stayed in biology. Make no mistake, there's been times when I've debated whether I should have changed my major or not and I've looked in on accelerated learning programs in Engineering (at Boston U) or in Nursing (at Georgia Regents). I even called Georgia State about their MBA in Healthcare Administration.

Then I realized I don't want to do that. I want to write. That's all I want to do, really. I like experiments in art, particularly directing films but writing is what I do. That's why I've been strongly considering denying GA Southern's MA in Lit program in favor of a Master's in Professional Writing or Master's in English Rhetoric & Composition.

Since last year my interest in teaching secondary education has dwindled substantially to where the MAT program is nothing I will consider in the near future. I don't like where Georgia in particular is going with education. Education is no longer about human relationships, which was its appeal to me. Now it's like working in telemarketing or working in sales. It's about meeting quotas, it's ultimately about treating students like their products. If I want to work in that kind of environment I'll get a MBA because then I'll make more money.

The problem with professional writing is I worry it might be like that, but I'm a bit optimistic. I've left the library and work as a sub full time because while I will want to get that degree I need to keep job options afloat, which means I'll need some library references and some references if I want to get in as a parapro. Those are the job opportunities I foresee being available anywhere and those are it, sorta (library jobs are around but I don't know what my chances are). I do miss the human relationships associated with the library, and the Master's of Science in Library Science has been a degree I've been tempted to get because it can be used to get a Technical Writing job but I'm on the fence for that one.

The reason I've been down though is I strongly feel the need to move out of Habersham. I've been lonely in a way that I think is unhealthy. I want to be able to socialize more with people my own age and so forth, but I have no certain plans anymore. I've been tempted to cancel my trip (or postpone it) and use the money I've saved up to move out to Atlanta or Boston or somewhere. A friend of mine told me to not cancel the trip though and I need it. I need adventure. I want to accomplish something off my bucket list.

I'll keep writing regardless.