I'm reticent to say "We survived." My reticence is not due to sentiment but in superstition. I don't want to say "We survived" before the year ends only to have incompetent leaders do incompetent things that will lead to calamity.
Politically speaking (for the U.S. at least) this has been at best an anxious year and at worst the beginnings of the end of the world as we know it (in regards to our social and political stability). Make no mistake: while I mostly discuss my personal goals in my blog posts, I've had the same experiences as many of you. It's hard for me to not check Reuters every hour thinking if not anticipating a new catastrophic decision.
Last year I wrote about my 50 List and said the following: "no man is powerful enough to curb my ambition and the path I've worked hard to forge." I've aimed to live by that statement this year, that no matter how toxic our political atmosphere may be, I will continue to work towards my personal future.
Well, how did I do?
As I've written about earlier this year, it's impossible to complete 100% of one's goals. It's just not going to happen. In that post, I've asked "what were my goals really about." Now I ask: what was my year really about?
I've completed a substantial portion of my goals, both in 2017 and in my seasonal to-do lists.
Some of the things I've done this year include:
- Having croissants in a small Parisian boulangerie
- Seeing the Eiffel Tower
- Standing in a Roman theatre
- Having real dim sum and char siu in Hong Kong
- Standing (in awe) at the Hagia Sophia and Blue Mosque in Istanbul
- Feeling how cold the wind in the Grand Canyon feels
- Nearly passing out hiking in Cathedral Rock near Sedona
- Completing principal photography on a new short film
- Writing countless scripts
- Having my short film was shown at two film festivals (Chattanooga and Skyline Film Festivals)
- Tasting shrimp and grits in Charleston
- (Proudly) serving as the best man to my best friend's wedding while another best friend officiated.
This was a year that I could stand at the edge of my 30 List and see the 50 List on the horizon. If the 30 List was about getting myself to finally work toward the person my high school and middle school self dreamed of being, the 50 List is about make this pursuit a lifestyle. While the 30 List was more specific ("Hike Machu Picchu") and about check marks, I've purposely tried to make the 50 List less specific. It's no longer about writing check marks on a list as much as it's about having a lifestyle I've nurtured and worked towards.
The road towards the life I want isn't as curvy and unpaved as it was when I was 22. Now, the road is paved. It has some curves (because life and the unexpected happens). But this was the year I was able to finally complete goals as part of a general, routine lifestyle. Filmmaking, writing and traveling are no longer dreams and bullet points on a list but a part of how I live, as part of my work/life balance.
That being said, there remain challenges and I will never not have goals. Now my ambitions towards a longer future -- owning a home, getting a new car eventually -- will post interesting bumps towards this lifestyle. After I buy a house, how long before I travel again? I will deal with that as it comes.
Relationships
This year was also about my relationships. It was about the work in holding positive relationships. It was about spending more time with friends and family (which includes my pup). It was about the continued work in holding a positive relationship with myself.
The truth is, I've never had a tremendous amount of self-worth. As I've written about in this post I'm not neurotypical. Before I had the words for who I am I was made aware of what I'm not for most of my whole life. While I feel better if not more positive about myself I still let my insecurities get the best of me. I've always felt like a burden -- that I'm high maintenance, that people want to spend time without me because they feel wired being around my wired self.
This year has seen me still deal with this insecurity. I'll never not deal with this. I'll never not feel like a burden. I'll never not feel self-conscious when someone says they were joking and I didn't realize it. But I've dealt with what I have and my insecurities in a way that's reasonably healthy. I've also improved at discussing who I am with close friends and others who have provided continued support and validation of my worth.
The continued development of my relationship to self in 2017 has been complemented in my relationships with others. A highlight of my year has certainly been my friends' wedding. I was quite humbled to see their happiness, to be an active part of their special day as a best man, and to play a part in an unforgettable weekend.
Likewise, I was able to have two successful day trips with my Habersham/lifer friends: one to Asheville and one to Charleston. This will become a priority in my future: having at least 1 day trip with my best friends.
I also entered this year determined to spend more time with Rory not just at home but out and about in town. Each weekend I visit my folks I take Rory out somewhere -- to hike, to eat, or to have coffee with. She's been on a couple of longer trips to restaurants in North GA and I've been successful in having our family join us. For her 10th birthday we took her to a coffeeshop and gave her a homemade birthday dog cookie. Now that she's 10 and now that I no longer live with her I want to continue spending as much time with her as possible.
In Short
I look back at my 2017 with an reasonable amount of satisfaction. There are threads still loose: Will, my short film, needs completion, and I still have more moments this year to experience with friends and family. Yet, the narrative of 2017 is stronger than 2007 because I'm more resolute and more confident in my capacity to accomplish my goals. A narrative needs determination and pursuit and as I work on my 2018 goals I will figure out my tactics, because I will not be stopped.
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