I learned to live by this maxim which has left me hurt and left me powerful. Any relationship - that is, romantic or platonic - should continue by choice and never because of obligation.
I learned this lesson the hard way. I learned this lesson by hanging onto relationships that gave me needless anxiety for too long. I learned this lesson by believing I could negotiate romantic relationships. If someone said "I'm not interested in you" I believed I could negotiate it through reasoning or pleading.
I felt like a failure for failing at relationships. I felt I had to act as the best, most giving friend. I felt doomed to perpetual loneliness because my romantic relationships averaged 1-2 dates and, until my recent relationship with my wife, 3 months.
After a toxic relationship, however, I made a moment of clarity: I would rather live alone the rest of my life than to live with a toxic person.
That moment of clarity happened only as a 28 year old. It lived in me previously as a thought, but from that time I learned to embody it.
My moment of clarity: my life mattered whether someone was in it or not. I do not have time for unfulfilling relationships.
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