Seriously, I get anxiety when someone says "Tell me about your trip." How can I fit it into words, into vocal intonations and speech patterns. Of course because I'm cool I usually respond "ask me questions."
It was the experience I've waited for since I was 12. It was definitely the experience I've waited for since I was 22. Except this wasn't an experience I waited for. Instead of waiting I made it happen.
It's a powerful accomplishment for me, as someone who before 2009 rarely put my foot forward toward any ideas I had. I rarely made movies I played through in my head. I rarely wrote down ideas for stories, for poems, etc that I had. I just sat or lied on my bed, speaking of everything in my head. I just watched movies on my small screen tv hoping to make those films but never stepping towards a camera. I would remain in my head dreaming of working and saving up and going out of the country. I always dreamed.
Now, I have the frame of mind that I can do anything. I set a goal to go to Machu Picchu, to visit South America and see the continent of Borges and Neruda, and I did it. Holy shit you can do stuff you dream about.
My life has been a struggle of timidity, of having no confidence, or leaving myself behind while others got in front. I feel like this trip was a battle against my timidity and I won.
I had to abandon timidity. I traveled solo so I had to ask people to hang out with me or join their company and strike up conversations. I had to take showers where the doors didn't close. I had to try to speak Spanish with locals even though I've only had a dedicated study of the language since January. I had to climb mountains and not give in to my thigh's urges for a Fat Elvis burger. Timidity wasn't allowed in South America.
This is the point of travelling to me. There's a reason my 30 List has a high emphasis on travel. Travelling lends itself to transcendent moments, to moments of clarity. I realized this on my journey through Chicago in 2011. That journey helped me realize I need to stick to writing, even if scripts, even if just poetry. That journey helped me realize that I had a shell I was living in and I needed to step out for a proper life. I seek to put myself in circumstances that embolden my awareness of the world and how lovely life is. My first post of this series dealt with how I felt my life was hitting a wall prior to departure. I lost my grandfather, my mother suffered breast cancer, I got denied from 7 graduate schools I applied for, I had so many relationship and dating misfires and so much more stress. This trip whittled down those problems. They were smaller and smaller as I made my way across the continent. This trip helped give me strength by showing me a world that moves on as I should. So I shall move on.
I mentioned a good deal of what I learned in my first post, and extended them throughout the posts. But what now? What should I do now?
Get a job. That's priority number one.
Priority number two. Graduate school. I've pushed it back for awhile but I realize now that if I want to continue my art, to continue working on scripts and poetry, I need to get a substantial day job. I had a day job but now I want to have the opportunity to advance in that day job, to have more opportunities in general. I obtained an artistic degree but now I need to have a practical, day job degree. As I've enjoyed my time working in the library more than my time in schools I think it's time for a Master's of Library and Information Science. It'll expand opportunities for me and give me skills in informatics and archival work.
I don't need a degree to continue writing necessarily, or to work in film. I need to meet people and more importantly put my work out there. Currently I'm working on a short film with some people and we're moving out of pre-production. I also intend to work on a spec pilot script and to work on two more short film scripts. I want to start getting short films shown at festivals.
I also intend to continue working on poetry, and getting published.
This is getting sentimental about my career goals. Right now travelling isn't fitting in seemingly but it will. No doubt I have aspirations for travelling. I've been bitten by the travelling bug.
Like I've said throughout my posts I have a 30 List. Here is the travel portion of the list:
"Grand
Canyon (easily accomplished)
See
the Mediterranean Sea (preferably through Spain)
Visit
Machu Picchu (DONE as of July 2013)
See
the Pyramids of Giza (typical no.2)
Touch
Stonehenge
Also
visit Canada and Mexico, since they are our neighbors."
Of those I have one done. I think my next priority should be simple given my precarious situation, ie I should go to the Grand Canyon. I would very much like to see the West, to go to California, to see Yosemite, Sequoia, San Francisco, and the Grand Canyon.
Yet I also feel I could do another one of those within the year if I save. I feel like I could go to Egypt and see the pyramids and the Mediterranean Sea if I saved up, but given their political scenario I'm not sure how likely that is within the year. I have Canada and Mexico down, so I could see one or the other. I could go to Vancouver, then to Banff and Jasper National Parks and hike. I could go to Mexico and see Colqa Canyon, the cenotes of the Yucatan and do a Maya Jungle trek.
There's also other places that I don't have on that list. I've been thinking about seeing the Yunnan province and its natural areas via Hong Kong. I always wanted to go to China and this was on my original list but I replaced it with Mt. Fuji, which would be the hardest one to accomplish because of cost. I've also thought about what I missed in South America. I would love to go to Bolivia and make my way to Atacama in Chile. I would love to go to Brazil and make my way from Rio through Iguazu into Buenos Aires. Perhaps those should be a part of my life list.
I should make a life list.
That's what I really learned. I have a lot of life left. I'm starting to get faint clues on how to live it.
South America taught me that.
If you have something you want to do figure out to do it and do it like Ulysses S. Grant. As I said coming down Machu Picchu mountain, being on a mountain and getting views few people see is so much better than sitting on one's ass in the midst of a marathon.
And now I shall marathon "How I Met Your Mother." Ciao.
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